Note: This blog post was originally a thread posted on the website formerly known as Twitter for April Fool’s Day. Enjoy! 

BREAKING NEWS!!!! 

Executive Producer and Showrunner of Doctor Who, Russell T Davies, has just announced that the BBC will re-number all the Doctors. After making the radical decision to re-start the numbering of seasons, The Brain of Mobius can exclusively reveal that Russell T Davies has now gone one step further!  

In a brand-new press release, Davies has announced that the BBC will now re-number all the Doctors to make them “more accessible” to new viewers of the show. Davies said: 

“Thanks to the input of our new Disney Plus executives, we’ve decided to make the bold decision to change the numbering for another key part of the show.” 

“I’m sure that fans of the show will rejoice at the news that something has changed once again, and for the better!” 

The Brain of Mobius can also exclusively reveal what the new Doctor numbering will be. 

On account of being the most popular Doctor, David Tennant will now become the First Doctor. Since David Tennant has been the Doctor twice, this means that he is now also the Second Doctor. A Disney Plus executive justified the decision by saying, 

“Fans just love David Tennant, and this makes him just all the more accessible to new viewers of the show.” 

Ncuti Gatwa will now become the 3rd Doctor because, as per his new contract, he wanted to have the number of the “sluttiest” Doctor instead. This means that Jon Pertwee will now become the 69th Doctor because he is, in fact, the sluttiest Doctor. 

Tom Baker will remain as the Fourth Doctor because nobody can be bothered to re-learn that. Colin Baker is now the last Doctor, in any and all future numberings, because he is the least popular Doctor, and nobody really likes his outfit. Not even his much-improved performance in the Big Finish audio dramas can redeem him. 

Paul McGann is now the 37th Doctor because he turned 37 in 1996, the year when he started playing the role of the Doctor. William Hartnell is now the 100th Doctor because he looked 100 in 1963, the year when he started playing the role of the Doctor. Jo Martin is now the 99th Doctor because she’s a pre-Hartnell Doctor, of course. 

Peter Davison is now the 0th Doctor because he is the father-in-law of David Tennant so must logically come before him. The Zero Room appearing in his debut story is merely a coincidence. Patrick Troughton’s Doctor no longer has any number because it was completely wiped from the BBC Archives. 

Matt Smith becomes the 1982nd Doctor because 1982 was the year that Matt Smith was born. Meanwhile, Christopher Eccleston is now the 2013th Doctor because 2013 was the year that Margaret Thatcher died. 

Jodie Whittaker becomes the 13th Doctor again because she was so unlucky with the writing during her tenure on the show. The numbering of the Morbius Doctors has been postponed until 2057 when Chris Chibnall is due to return as showrunner. 

Sylvester McCoy becomes the rth Doctor because in algebra letters can be numbers too, and he really likes to roll those r’s. Peter Capaldi becomes the sth Doctor because he’s Scottish, silvery and just a wee bit silly. The Metacrisis Doctor doesn’t actually matter any more. 

John Hurt becomes the negative 23rd Doctor because he arrived 23 years late to the role. Richard Hurndall is the Pi Doctor because he thinks this is “as easy as pi”. David Bradley is the ith Doctor because his incarnation is imaginary and so that means Twice Upon A Time never really happened. 

Richard E Grant as the Shalka Doctor now gets to be any number as long as he’s not the 9th Doctor. The Curse of Fatal Death Doctors will eventually get numbers, but they have been held to ransom until Steven Moffat finishes writing his next script for the show. 

A BBC spokesperson has said: 

“As per the new agreement with Disney Plus, the Doctor numbering system is due to be reviewed on a regular basis, but we hope that fans will embrace these changes in the usual spirit! And of course, we always welcome their feedback!” 

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